Thanks for all the Birthday wishes.... You people are the best people in the world...

Last week I had a head ache so bad that I thought I was going to die... my mind was thinking, brain bleed maybe?... Some kind of tumor...or maybe something even worse! .... And then I took a sudafed PE and all at once I was practacly cured! I kept that head ache for a week... Pounding Horiffic pain... Like a hammer being used at will on the back of my skull .. I'm almost completly back to normal now. I guess next time I won't think the worse about my self... If you hear beating hoof's think Horse not Zebra.... It's for the best.

You know how when you wait too long to talk to someone and then things become uncomfortable? Thats sort of how I feel about writing my thoughts again...But I'm going to try...

Thank you for the birthday wish Misty....

For all of those who had to suffer through my pity part I offer my condolences... Not my apologies... I will say that my Day is brightning up... I predict a partly cloudy.

Yesterday I had to give up Bunny….. I watched her drive away in the back seat of her mother and new fathers pick-up… As I stood there I sucked in hug breaths of air and then my knees felt weak and then from some place far from my ear I heard my own voice sobbing. My husband tried to comfort me but I couldn’t hear him…. Only a jumble of words that I couldn’t put together.

Saturday morning I woke up to the Sheriff knocking on the door…. They said they had come for Bunny… I said No of course and tried to shut the door but he was to fast for me… He said unless I could show him a document saying that I had rights that he had to take her from me and give her to her mother…. It was the Law…. ( And we all know how we have to live by the letter of the God Damn Law!) I began to cry then…. I knew I had no such document… I pleaded with him… I said I was the only mother she had ever known and that Bunny didn’t even remember her real mother….Then I screamed at him… Please! And as tears streamed down my face.. I asked again…please don’t take her from me…. Your breaking my heart……….

What could he have thought of me?….. He couldn’t look me in the eye any longer… His head looked to my feet as he tried to explain to me that he was only following the Law…and then he asked me to wait at the door while he spoke to Bunny’s Mom…. When he came back I had gained what little self respect I had left and was able to listen to him…. My daughter had said she would go to a motel and give me a little more time to spend with my sweet Bunny before she picked her up…. I shook my head yes and thanked him.

That Saturday I pretended that nothing had happened… I blocked it all from my mind and Bunny and I played the piano and drank juice by the pool…. We sang and danced and I only cried one time…. She touched my cheek and said… “Don’t cry Bunny…. It’s No problem.”…..

Sunday I packed her things while she fished with her Papa…..Touching each piece of her clothing as if it were a delicate flower… Laying then neatly …. Packing them to leave….. It’s hard for me to keep remembering every detail…. There like splinters being pushed in my heart….

Then the day came that the pick-up pulled up out front…. She recognized her mother right away….Which made her mother cry…. My husband and I stood there stiff as a board as we watched them hugging and kissing each other on the cheek…. Then the “New Father” and my husband loaded up all of Bunny’s belongings…. Bunny ran up to me and hugged my legs… I bent down and kissed her and told her to remember the moon and the stars…. That we would all ways, no matter where we where, be looking at the same moon…...the same stars….. Her mother then took her hand and put her in the back seat and clicked the seat belt over her…She waved to me and with a big smile said… “ Bye Bunny…. See ya later!”………I watched them drive away and felt like I was being punched in the stomach…..

My friends have been calling me but I wont answer the phone… I can’t seem to say how I am with out crying like a fool….. I can’t seem to stand their questions…..I just can’t seem to …………. do anything.

Thanks to all that have been leaving me Private messages... I read them..... and I have also been keeping up with what's going on around blog town....How could I not.... Much love from me to all of you.....