I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.

KANSAS::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

This boggled my mind!

You've Experienced 40% of Life

You have the life experience of someone in their early 20s. You've seen some of what life has to offer - but you have a long ways to go.

This next story might make me look like someone that’s one brick shy of a load…. But I feel compelled to write it…….. Remember…. Try not to judge me by your own standards…. That always makes me look worse than I am…..

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You know, I’m always complaining about the place here where I live…but last week the real estate man brought a couple here to look at the house… and my complaining stopped. There have been people here before looking at it …except this time the real estate man mouthed the words… “They LIKE it” to me as they were leaving….. And then it dawned on me that I will need to start NEW MEMORIES some where else! This was NEVER my house… When we moved here from Texas it was my father-in-law’s…He died from Cancer soon after we came… I feel as if for the past two years I’ve been the caretaker. Not really feeling at home. But when those words were mouthed too me I realized that I would have to say goodbye too this place… And believe me…there are some places around here I will really miss… Like that old grave yard… And the lake…. And the flowers and bushes in the front yard… my chicken coop that I’ve grown morning glories all over… and most of all the wild animals. I just keep thinking of all the work, like those intensive house keeping days, that I will be saved after I move…and that makes me feel a little better…… but not much. Things change though….right? Change is good….right? It’s ok to be a little scared of change….right? RIGHT? OK, maybe not.

The mornings are chilly here…. That word chilly reminds me of a little old lady I use to know…Ever morning, even if the weather was a balmy 101, I would have to dress her like she was in Alaska during winter. Complete with hat and gloves… So I started calling her chilly…. Then one day she told me that she never liked “CHILI” or any other kind of spicy food, so how come I called her that…. I didn’t want to say, because you look like a snow man! Even though she probably weighed all of a buck O five. Oh well…. Once I was called string bean and it wasn’t because of my weight… Nope… I turned my hair green. Even after I had it fixed they still insisted on that name… I HATED IT! I told her I would stop calling her that and she said the name sort of grew on her…. It was ok…. She sort of liked it now; she had just wanted to know why. I would have NEVER hurt old person’s feelings… not if I could help it anyway… Even back before the government made Nursing homes treats the elderly with dignity, I always treated people like I wanted to be treated… Of course I’ve seen all sorts of different kinds of abuse… Besides the kind you turn in… I’ve seen nurses AND their aides, talk and treat older people like they are children… Even making the air plane sound while giving them their medicine. How degrading that must be…. Told they couldn’t have desert because they hadn’t finished their dinner…I’ve seen their room’s not cleaned every day and clean towels refused… It seemed I switched jobs a lot because of that stuff, I mean crap. And once, a long time ago, I caught an aide selling pictures off the wall to an old lady who thought she was at an art gallery. Back then they were allowed to keep money with them. It made me so sick that what followed is even upsetting for me to tell… I use to be the bully in Elementary school….and yes in middle school some too, I had worked really hard on fixing that about myself but when someone bullied me is when the turning point finally came… So I was well equipped for punishment …Instead of reporting it… I made her go to the break room with me. After pushing her into a chair, that she fell out of, I grabbed her purse and pulled her wallet out…I rummaged threw it and held all her money in my hand… “This was easy for me to take from you.” I spit the words in her face as I showed her the money… I counted it in front of her and told her it wasn’t enough…I then told her I would slap her face on a daily basis and said a few other choice things that I won’t burden you with… Of course she said she was sorry… and of course she said she needed the job… I said I didn’t care… I said “You think I care that you need this job? I don’t… I care nothing about YOU…I care about these people… My friends… that you thought you would take advantage of…and believe me you made a mistake…” I made her life so bad at work she had to quit… and when I saw her at the store it didn’t stop there… I would smash my buggy into hers and glare at her …waiting for her to say something…She never did… Then one day she gave me $85.00... She said that had been the exact amount she had taken from my friend…and would I please leave her alone…I agreed but I still glared at her around town… It’s hard to stop hating all at once. So my friend, who never knew she had been a victim of a robbery, got her money back… I slipped it in her purse when she wasn’t looking. I know that my behavior was not adult… But someone who prey’s on the elderly should be taught a lesson… and some times that lesson is a hard one to swallow… At least it was for her.

In my last post I let slip a “nicety” that the husband said to me… I wish I hadn’t said it because it makes me look bad when I say he’s a Jack ASS! After listening to his shit for about an hour I finely I said… “You know?… I’m not going to put up with this shit from my next husband… I’ll put a fucking screw driver in his neck.”… Of course I would never resort to violence but I wanted him to get the full scope of what I was saying….My attitude about some things have changed some in the last year… partly because of some great people on the stream… KK is one of them…So of course I know longer sit there and “take” verbal abuse … I return fire….and most of the time I’m a little amazed at myself on how much better I am at it than he is. Yes, the times they are a changing’ ……

I haven’t been on a lot in the past week or so…. It’s because I love the weather right now! It’s my favorite time of year for being out side…I’ve been fishing and using my trusty detector ….. Not to mention a few other things….

I watched a movie last night called “The devil bat” with Bela Lugosi (1941)…. You know, my cousin Terry use to play with his grand daughter….or maybe it was the great grand daughter…His movie casket (back when I was a kid) sat in their house… How spooky is that? I NEVER got to see it but it was nice hearing about it.

Last week when I went out of town to the river boat I had to take my grand daughter to the husbands daughters house to spend the night… I packed her little bag with pajama’s and tooth brush, a change of clothes and two cartoon movies…. First Let me say she didn’t cry when I left… She was laughing and playing with the husbands grand daughter and waved good bye to me as I drove away…When I picked her up things had changed drastically. As soon as she saw me she ran for me…. Tears streaming down her face…Her doll, Sponge Bob, who she carries around ALL the time had been taken from her because the other one didn’t have one…Her jewelry that she loves had also been removed… Because the OTHER ONE didn’t understand what jewelry was and tried to yank it from her neck…then I was CASUALLY told that Bunny had got spanked and the other one cried… I DON’T EVEN SPANK BUNNY!… The other one is just a little younger than my grand daughter and not near as smart, so Bunny had to suffer for it…I was really mad… I took Bunny’s hand and we left with out saying a word…When I got home and unpacked her little bag her pajama’s hadn’t been touched…they were still stuck together from the dryer… That had made my little girl sleep in her clothes! I went off then…. I went to the den where the husband was watching football and I screamed in his face….. “ Your sorry ass fucking daughter treated Bunny bad last night! If you ever give them another dime I will leave your ass in the fucking dirt!” He then tried to take up for her but I wouldn’t listen to it… I screamed… “I hate that dirty piece of trash!…. And I will slap her ass on the ground if she ever miss treats my Bunny again! You got that Poco!”… That’s not his name but that is the exact name I used…I then when on to tell him of all the crap they had done…and how they had spanked her!…He sat there listening for a minuet and then said …” Well she can’t go back over there..” ( NO SHIT SHERLOCK!) The husband and I NEVER agree on those people… (His daughter and her boyfriend who’s knocked her up twice and doesn’t have a job all the time..) They have a sleeping bag hanging in the living room for a curtain! Now how high do you think their standards are?.. His daughter has NEVER wore makeup…and no it’s not in her religion not too…. She doesn’t own a dress!… and once we took them out too eat and THE HUSBAND said too me that he would NEVER do that again! The husband had to ask them to lower their voice three times… they punched and picked at each other ( their in their 20‘s)…and the boyfriend even spit out something he didn’t like, the size of a chicken egg, into his hand…he sat it on the side of his plate like a parsley decoration…. I have seen a bum with more manners eating from the trash can. Even the husband was ashamed…But enough about them……..

Yesterday in the store an old woman looked at Bunny and said that she had been here before…It was a little strange but I knew what she was talking about…. She didn’t mean she had been to this store before… She meant she had been on this EARTH before… In another life…. She had even reached her hand out and rubbed on Bunny’s arm, at which time Bunny smiled big and did the same to her… It was very sweet. I think it will kill me if the daughter comes back for her…