I hate watching movies alone… I like to ask questions… Like… “How come he did that?”… Or “Now, I don’t get that… Did I miss something?” … I saw a movie the other day that was wonderful! I had seen it before but it’s one of those you can watch every 20 years or so… It was called “Love Affair”… And I think it was made in 1937. It was about a painter and a singer meeting on a ship and then after falling in love, agreeing to meet at the top of the Empire State building in 6 months to get married…… Then the day came when he was up there waiting for her… She had taken a cab and as she was crossing the street to meet him, she was struck by a car. If you haven’t seen it then I won’t tell the ending… She didn’t die if that’s what you were wondering………. And then I watched a Bing Crosby movie, were he played a priest trying to help a parish raise money. At the end he brought the old priest’s mother to see him and yes it made me cry. I can’t remember the name of it… Maybe “Going my way”…and the year I believe was 1939. Don’t hold me to that though… I was more interested in the movie than all those other particulars.

This morning the husband leaned over and kissed my cheek softly and said I was beautiful… He thought I was asleep…Of course I didn’t spoil it by letting him know I wasn’t… Instead of it making me feel good I felt awful… I think because of the way I’ve been feeling about him…How I’ve been just wanting to run away from him…Literally.

It’s almost noon and I’m still in my night gown… Isn’t that awful?

I started calling my grand daughter Bunny and now she calls me that too…. She will say… “See it!?…See it Bunny!?” while talking to me and pointing to something… I just smile and say I see it. What else can you say?

Here’s hoping every one has a great weekend coming up… And if you seen any good movies let me know… I want too see ‘um too! (Especially you Sir Cranky…. I like your taste in movies)

The husband took me too the River boat on the Mississippi… We gambled and I had a great time… I came home with $50.00 more than what I left with so I consider my self a big winner… that place aint floatin’ on the winners money.. If you know what I mean. I played the quarter slots while the husband played Black Jack… I just loved pulling that handle down!….. I saw several people with a “problem” there… and then I saw people that were just having a good time.. We parked in a lot sort of far from the boat and a little bus picked us up… We couldn’t sit together so I chose the seat next to an older woman that was a little hippy like me…I should have chose the seat in the back but the guy sitting there looked a little strange… I was amazed at how the bus driver seemed to floor it on the way over too the boat… He did the same on the way back except this time it was the husband I was slammed against instead of the large hipped woman on the way there. All in all I had a great time.

First off I want to say that my friend Kktaylorcc was kind enough to send me the minuets of the Saturday night that I missed… I have to say I sure preferred her version of it too the real thing, I‘m glad I wasn‘t there…I hope that she posts her “I am a witness” for every one to read…I feel she has a knack for helping people to understand things better….Second, I want to say that I didn’t know this Squash person… I think he visited my blog maybe once the whole time I’ve been on….So this next post is not about him or for him in anyway….. It’s for those of you that gave him your time….. I guess some have read that I too was abused…. By two different abusers at two different times in my life… So I feel I can say what I’m about to say with out offending anyone… The first time I was taken advantage of was by someone that was in my family… I can not or will not speak his name but let me say that I had to endure looking at him for the whole time I was growing up…… and then it happened again…. I wrote about it in a past post… As I looked back on it I realized that I had tried to forget it so bad that I can’t even remember my age really or when it first started ( the first time)… I don’t want too… I feel sick thinking about it when I try…And it has caused some damage in my life…A lot of damage that I haven’t been able to over come…But my feelings about all of it might surprise some of you…I don’t have hate in my heart about it… Nope… I feel pity. My first abuser acts like it never happened…and since I had to “be around” this person I learned to live with that…I have even been able to tell this person I loved them again…Why, you might wonder… Mostly for my father…. So that he will never know what happened… and for the heart that beats in my own chest. My second abuser? Sure I hope he’s reborn into a cock roach… and sure I hope that he has never had any children…and sure I wish he had went to jail and been raped by a huge man named Bruce…. But none of this has happened ….yet….so I live with the fact that God does the punishing. …and all I can do is get on with fixing what they had messed up… and feel safe in the confidence of my faith…. Faith that God will PUNISH. (I was told once that the worst thing you can do too someone is to forget them…Never even remembering their name…) Forgive and forget him, I guess is what I’m trying to say… Don’t let the predators of this world stop you from being on the stream… because they are out there…and theirs nothing we can do about it…And to all of you who are fortunate enough to have NOT been abused and had any kind of opinion on Saturday night….To you I say this… You have never seen the monster face to face… how can you have an opinion on anything? What would you base your opinion on? Things you’ve read? It all boils down to this…adult are suppose to be the protectors of children…. All children… And anything less is just despicable.

Wow!.. I been gone a little while...... posting soon......

How long have you had your wallet? I think most of us look at it every day… My wallet didn’t just come from a store… Nope… I didn’t buy it… I found it empty of all money and identification behind the mall one day… Laying there in the parking lot by the tire of the car next to mine. At first I thought… “Oh cool! I’m going to save someone the bother of all that credit card canceling and take a huge weight off them.”…. but when I opened it, it was empty of everything that might tell you who it belonged too. I pulled a faded picture from one of the creases… Two faces from the 70’s stared up at me…The picture is what made me believe that someone HAD NOT just cleaned out an old wallet and replaced it with a new one…NO…..SOMEONE HAD BEEN A THIEF! Now I know what you’re thinking….Why do YOU still have that wallet? Why did you not take it to some lost and found back inside the mall? Why did YOU not turn it in to the police?......... Because MAYBE…. someone "did" just clean it out for a new wallet and forgot that picture… I DIDN’T WANT TO LOOK FOOLISH! So…. After I got home and REALLY looked at it I noticed that it was the kind that flipped open to show your drivers license… You know… Like the police detectives have on the movie’s…. And I thought that was just TOO efing cool! So my things came out of my new wallet ,I got for Christmas from the mother-in-law and into the old found wallet from the mall…Yes, I have got to flip it open a few times… Mostly to older folks at convenience stores while buying beer for the husband… (And I have a good story about the older folks on the night shift at those stores: coming soon)…So back to my question…. How old is your wallet? Mine? I really couldn’t say for sure… but I know for a fact it’s at least 6 years old…And who only knows before that…It has character … And that’s why I keep it.

I can’t believe how long I’ve kept my blog going…. Last week I found an old journal that I had tried to keep a few years ago and it was just depressing… It was packed in some things in the barn… After reading a few pages I threw it in the trash can… at which time my dog quickly hiked his leg and urinated all down the side of the can…. It wasn’t planned… That *^$#&^% pisses on every thing! He need’s some serious training.

Here are some things about me I bet you didn’t know….If you were to ask me if I like peanut butter I would say, Not no but hell no…. Yet I eat it every morning on my toast…………………. It’s not the same as a cold sandwich of the stuff…….Lets just move on… I love the smell of gardenia… so much so that all my lotions and soap and spray’s are all gardenia… I love growing vegetables and flowers… Once I grew an 80 lb watermelon……for no reason… I couldn’t pick it up…. After I cut it is when it dawned on me that what I had done was just ridicules… A watermelon like that belonged at some huge family reunion! I finally set up a sign that said FREE watermelon to get rid of the other ones that weren’t quite as big… Sure I gave them away to family and friends… but I still had too many… and I grew too many peppers and way too many tomatoes and cucumbers…not to mention all the cantaloupes…. I didn’t know ENOUGH people to give all that stuff away…. So…. the free watermelon sign really helped. A lady and some kids that stopped told me I should take my vegetables that I didn’t need to a church that helped poor people… Which was a great idea… It irked me that I hadn’t thought of that myself… Anyway…

…. My daughter will be 20 years old October 21st….. No more teenagers…. I thought it would get better but it didn’t… She just seems to have BIGGER problems now. Not only the problems but she compounds them with lying … It’s her most favorite thing to do… She does it for NO reason at all, when she doesn’t even have too. Just yesterday when she called I caught her in 4 lies. I’ve been telling her to go get her drivers license …. She doesn’t want to because she’s afraid of being arrested… So she tells me that her “lawyer” advised her not too yet…She’s homeless and strung out…. and she has a LAWYER? Yeah and I’m the queen of England!… Anyway….enough about her… I feel sick just thinking about her sometimes.

So my anniversary with the husband is coming up… I have a feeling that we wont be doing anything… he makes plans then throws me over for friends or family. Or he will take his daughter and her kid shopping for a celebration… He’s not trying to be mean… he’s just stupid and thoughtless….Not to mention inconsiderate…. Some times I think I could just leave him with out a note…