If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
There's too many places I haven't seen
And if I stayed here with you, now
Things just wouldn't be the same
Well I'm as free as a bird now,
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
Lord knows I can't change

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
And though this feeling I can't change.
Please don't take it badly,
The Lord knows I'm to blame.
And, if I stayed here with you now
Things just wouldn't be the same.
For I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change. Lynyrd Skynyrd: Free Bird

This morning I got up and while drinking my morning Dr. Pepper at my desk I picked up the check again I got in the mail. I turned it over and over in my hands as I looked at it…. Then I picked up the phone and called the number on the bottom of the letter. A recording came on telling me that it was the number to the Forex Financial Management group and to leave a name and number and someone would get back to me……. but there wasn’t any room left for me to leave a message. Bonnie and I then ate breakfast and got ready for the day… A few hours had passed and I decided to call again… This time a man with an accent answered… He spoke really fast and some things I really couldn’t make out at all… He told me to go and cash the check I had received and send it to a woman called “Susan Brown” on Lawrence St. in Vancouver Ontario… and then call him back once it’s done so that he could give me a tracking number……And then the call dropped.. I tried to call the number back but I got a recording saying that the person I was trying to call was out of the area. Now that gave me a sinking feeling… Why would a “company” have a cell phone for a business phone?…. I picked up the check again and got online and called it… not the number at the top of the check but the bank itself. A woman from the bank of New York answered in a pleasing voice and I explained to her thatI received a check in the mail with a letter and I wanted to make sure the check was good BEFORE I cashed it…. She then said to me…. “On the top of the check does it say Stanbee?”… I replied that it did…. She then instructed me to rip it up. …. She said that it wasn’t any good! I knew there was a reason I didn’t jump for joy when I got that check! So I called the man back….. He was expecting to hear thatI sent the money…. Instead I asked a few questions and then told him that I had called the bank…. On hearing this news he replied “ that was not your place to do… That is the banks job and you have no responsibilities in it” in which “I” replied… “ I guess that would be so if I were the village idiot! But it just so happens I’m not!…. And I’m going to report you Sir!” And that’s the end of that….. Moral: Don’t wish at the end of the rainbow…. It only works on star’s and wish bones.

On June 11th 2006 I saw something that took me 40 years to see. Some of you might not believe me…… and some might not care…. But for me, on that day, I saw something that made me believe that life is ever changing and that I am only a tiny small particle of it… I saw…….. The end of the rainbow. It was beautiful…. And at first I was frozen on the spot were I was standing… Staring in awe….. I know some would not believe such a wonderful tale ……. SO I TOOK A PICTURE!

Now I told you that story for a reason… I didn’t mention the fact that after I took a picture I ran to the closest spot to it and made a wish….I didn’t really think I had a snow balls chance in hell of it coming true but guess what?…… Today I checked my mail as I was pulling out of my drive way….Yesterday‘s mail really… and in the box was a letter from Canada…. Inside the letter was a check for $1990.00. I sat there staring at it a moment then pulled out of the drive way and went to town….The whole way there I was thinking of how I was going to spend my 10 dollars short of two thousand…. I would do this…. And I would do that….. And then I thought… I think I will spend this on Bonnie…. After we got home and I made sure it was a “real” check… I read the letter that was in the envelope…It said they were pleased to inform me that the sweepstakes I entered (15 times and 100’s of other’s) a few months ago were over and I was a winner…. Along with several other people. At first I felt like I was going to throw up…. They sent the check for the taxes on the money. I hadn’t won 1,990.00. I had won 65,000.00. Now this brings me to another part of my story… Of course when something like that happens to you, you’re pretty happy and you want to share the news… Not bragging of course but to just say…. I won! I really won! So I called the husband over who was standing with his friend over by the barn and told him about things and showed him the check…. I hardly know his friend… he was just standing there… and then he let out a {{{{{{YIPPY}}}}}}} and looked right at me and said…. “NOW I KNOW YOU GONNA BRAKE ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT AINT YA?”… He wasn’t joking… Now don’t that just lick the red off your lollypop! It did mine! I don’t even know him! But it didn’t get any better…. 3 family members have already hit me up for a loan because my brother told them of my good fortune. I only told 2 people! And 4 have asked for a loan!

I had to tell Bonnie’s mother that she couldn’t come to live here… It broke my heart to have to say it but I said it and I’m sticking too it. I have to do what’s best for Bonnie and forget about my grown up daughter… It has been a hard pill to swallow… The lady that comes to check on the children came last Friday… She was very nice and I told her the truth about everything… how Bonnie’s mother is a drug addict and how she drug her around living in bars and car’s. How she had bug bites on her face and her ear was infected and pulling apart from her head… After I said those things out loud it dawned on me how BAD Bonnie had really had it…and something in my heart hardened up…. And I told myself that I would make sure that Bonnie would NO LONGER be a victim! And that’s when the path became clear… I have to set aside all my love I have for that girl, my daughter, and focus only on what’s right for Bonnie. My daughter is not my little girl any more… She is a grown drug addict…. Someone that would steal the food from Bonnie’s mouth and not think twice about it. And I must see her for what she is… a neglector. I am ashamed and disappointed… Ashamed that I had to feel and say this…. Disappointed because I didn’t raise a better child…. Now I have a chance to try and make it right… I wont fail this time… How do I know this you ask?… trust me.

Do I ever cross your mind
Darlin' do you ever see
Some situation somewhere, somehow
Triggers your memory
And do you ever wonder
What became of all the time
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind

Do you ever want to know
If all dreams go on endlessly
Or do they just run down
Somehow and gradually become
The custody of that melancholy jailer father time
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind
Do I ever cross your mind
uninvited - when you're lonely
Or does that only, only happen to me
And don't you ever wonder
What became of all the time
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind

Do I ever cross your mind
Uninvited when you're lonely
Or does that only, only happen to me
And don't you ever wonder
What became of all the time
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind
And darlin' do I ever, ever cross your mind
:Ray Charles