So I’ve been watching The Dog Whisper… It’s great! That guy, Cesar, really knows his stuff. I put it high on my viewing pleasure list…. Another movie I had the “pleasure” of viewing was Broke Back Mountain. I liked it well enough to watch it twice because there were a few things I didn’t pick up on the first time. I have to say it was…… different from what I was prepared for and the husband walked out on it… Lucky we were in the living room or I might have been humiliated. I never go to the movies! I think the last one I went to was the drive-in in Granbury Texas and I had to get out of my car and ask the people in front of me to stop “smoking” up their grill because it was hampering my “VIEWING PLEASURE”! I can’t believe people are bringing their grills to the drive in! Isn’t there a rule against bringing in your own food? Not to mention a rack of RIBS! I remember the drive-in when I was a child… It was called “The South Side Twin”. I lived in Ft. Worth and as I grew up, I saw movies that were “meant” to be seen on a screen that size. Even after we moved, my Dad would take us back to see the movies some times… And then I started going with my cousins and really “watching” the movie seemed to fade away. Between the boy hunting and the pop corn I WAS able to see The Shining…. REDRUM…..REDRUM…Now that was scary when you’re a teen. And after seeing Jaw’s I didn’t even get in a swimming pool for awhile. What happened to those kinds of movies? Or are they still here and my fear level has risen. That must be what it is.

I can’t get over how crappy I’ve been eating… I got a good look at myself since Bonnie has come to live with me. I never cared much for cooking. Of course I can fix all the basic things but anything extravagant… forget it. I was happy to eat peanut butter toast for breakfast and happy to drink a slim fast for lunch… not for the weight loss… but because I have developed a great liking for the strawberry cream ones… and for dinner? Well, I did cook that, SOME of the time… but not most of it. So when Bonnie came, eggs and oatmeal were added to breakfast with the peanut butter toast and fruit and vegetables are a big part of everything and I make sure I cook dinner every night now… YUP things are sure tasting better around here. I think Peanut butter is an important part of lunch… So I make this toasted apple, banana and peanut butter sandwiches with fruit salad and a wonderful inventive pack of Capri Sun for a drink. I never had tasted one until Bonnie came… and most of the time they have no color in them….so there great for when she squeezes the pack to hard.

What is it about visional love that is so great? Visional meaning: falling in love at first “sight”. Is it possible to love someone and never have seen their face? Is this not the same thing a blind person might experience when meeting and falling in love? I ask this because of the next question….. Can someone fall in love on here? And if so….. Is it possible for a crushing blow to be dealt on here as well? Would the pain be equal or worse? Is this too, a place to guard ones heart from being broken? It is something to ponder… swish around in the ol’ noggin.

So my brother asked me the other day if I made any friends here yet… I’m pretty sure he meant around the neighbor hood. I haven’t so I named a few names off the stream… Of course I said Gina, Mary Elizabeth and Lucy and then changed the subject. It’s a major embarrassment for me, for him to know, I don’t have friends here… I have NO IDEA why but it is… I guess I don’t want to hear what he would have to say about that.

Dreams do come true! None of mine of course but I’ve seen other peoples come true. So this is how I know that someday my day in the sun will come…..The days of my youth have faded away…. And I miss them more and more every day. I have always thought that youth was wasted on the young. I’m not some old codger but I remember when 30 were old and I’m 40 now…I was born in 1965. And I lived in Ft. Worth Texas until I was 5. Then we moved to the suburbs and I saw my first Horny Toad. If you have never seen one then I’m so sorry for you because I myself haven’t seen one in over 10 years. For those of you that don’t know about them, they are a lizard looking thing with a frogs head…. And they look like they have little horns all over them… They spit blood at you too… I’m not sure if it’s really blood or just some red substance but who cares as its hurling for you! I got stung more times than I can count by scorpions. Once I was standing on my head against the wall…and as I was coming down I felt the most horrific pain in my for head! I had smashed one! Needless to say my mom pulled a cigarette apart and spit in her hand and stuck it on my for head. I sat there crying with tobacco juice dripping off my nose….well really my moms spit but when you’re a kid your not as tripped out about that as you would be now…. My mom was a decent mom.. I remember her teaching me to Indian leg wrestle… we would lay on the floor and after lifting our legs up and down 4 times we would lock legs and one would flip the other over…. I asked her a few years before she died if she wanted to leg wrestle and she laughed and said she was too old… I said … “Ahhhh come on mom….I’ll let you win like you did for me all those years”…. And she just hugged me…. They say that you never loose the one you love as long as you keep loving the one you lost…. I believe this to be true…. I also believe that Life is the journey and to die is to go home…. I don’t believe in Hell… I don’t think God would send his beloved children to such a horrific place as I’ve heard it described…. My mother told me that God lets his children be reborn until they DO get it right… Until they are worthy to bow down at his feet and are worthy to look upon his face…So from what I gathered from this is that God loves all of us… Even the killers and atheists of this world…. Because they haven’t done enough good they are reborn until they get it right…Until they are worthy to see the face of God…She told me God has a mate too…. She said… why would God make everything in this world with a mate and not have one his self?…. Anyway… I don’t know how I got off on this conversation…I was leading up to a story about a hornets nest….. I was 15 and my cousin Elizabeth was going to her mothers for the summer… She invited me and Connie to go with her… Connie shouldn’t have went really but she and Elizabeth had been friends their whole life and aunt Marylyn didn’t let a little thing like ADULTERY get in the way of her daughters friendship…. Anyway… Elizabeth’s sister, Trisha Ann and her husband Nathan took us to San Antonio were aunt Marylyn lived…. On the way the highway patrol man pulled us over for speeding and Nathan blamed it on us girls screaming and getting on his nerves from the back seat….It didn’t work, He got the ticket anyway. We made it there and we were having a pretty good time. Then we went to Mama and Papa Days house on the McQueeny River… They were her Grand parents on her mom’s side… Elizabeth and I were cousins because our dads were brothers… So this day started out like any other… We went to the river and were sitting in a swing…. Connie started hooking her toes in the dirt and really getting us to swinging… It was a bench swing hung in a huge tree…. She and I were on the ends…we were laughing because Elizabeth started to get a little scared. Then the swing broke… All of us ended up squashed together on my side… For a moment we were laughing and then we heard the buzz…. Not like bee’s…. like humming bird wings! We couldn’t get up fast enough…The only one of us that thought to jump in the river was Elizabeth… I and Connie ran to Momma Days house, which turned out to be a mistake… Hornets flew every where! Huge things! …………. As we sat there at Momma Days table with her and my cousin’s aunt Marie doctoring us up I looked at Connie… Her neck was swoll up and it looked like a soft ball had been shoved down her throat.…Elizabeth hadn’t got stung. I think it was because they had chased us…. I had one sting on my back that was lumped up pretty good… Every one was amazed that we had only been stung 2 times….Her in the neck, me in the back….. That wasn’t the only pain for Connie that summer…. I threw a cactus the next week and it hit her in the back…I would like to say I did it on accident but I didn’t. I aimed and hurled it and got her dead center in the back…. I was just mean like that…. My aunt made me pick all the spines out of her back with tweezers… And let me tell you…that isn’t any fun. That summer turned out to be one of the best summers in my life…. Connie forgave me for the cactus incident but Elizabeth never forgave me for cutting the mole off the back of her neck while I was trimming her hair…That happened a week before we went home… I saw it there…big and disgusting… And thought I would do her a big favor and nip that ugly monstrosity in the bud for her…. She on the other hand didn’t think it much of a favor…. Years later when I saw her at our grand mothers funeral She remarked that she was lucky that I hadn’t caused her to have cancer or something…

I justlove this song.............

Well I lived on the outskirts of town
In an eight room farmhouse, baby
When my brothers and friends were around
There was always somethin doin
had me a couple of real nice girlfriends
Stopped by to see me every once in a while
When I think back about those days
All I can do is sit and smile

Chorus:
Thats when sport was a sport
And groovin was groovin
and dancin meant everything
We were young and we were improvin
laughtin laughtin with our friends
Holding hands meant somethin baby
Outside the club cherry bomb
Where our hearts were really thumpin
say yeah yeah yeah
Say yeah yeah yeah

The winter days they last forever
And the weekends went by so quick
We ridin around this little country town
We were goin nuts, girl, out in the stick
One night me with my big mouth
A couple guys had to put me in my place
When I see those guys these days
We just laugh and say
Remember when

Chorus:
Thats when sport was a sport
And groovin was groovin
and dancin meant everything
We were young and we were improvin
laughtin laughtin with our friends
Holding hands meant somethin baby
Outside the club cherry bomb
Where our hearts were really thumpin
say yeah yeah yeah
Say yeah yeah yeah

Seventeen has turned thirty-five
Im surprised that were still livin
if weve done any wrong
I hope that were forgiven
Got a few kids on my own
And some days I still dont know
What to do
I hope that theyre not laughtin too
Loud, when they hear me talkin like this to you

Chorus:
Thats when sport was a sport
And groovin was groovin
and dancin meant everything
We were young and we were improvin
laughtin laughtin with our friends
Holding hands meant so much baby
Outside the club cherry bomb
Where our hearts were really thumpin
say yeah yeah yeah
Say yeah yeah yeah

First let me say that I laughed and giggled at every ones test answers…. They were hilarious!

It’s so hot my sweat is sweating! They “say” it’s only 92... But the wet off that 92 makes it feel like it’s 110. In the shade! At least I’m not in Texas right now… I hear the heat index puts Mississippi’s to shame. Yup, Yup…. I sure would love Hawaii right about now. Of course I’ve never been there but I HEAR it’s nice.

So I need to know how to pronounce this word…… Ashokan. I hear it’s a place in New York. I’ve heard it spoke before but with a real heavy southern slang… So if anyone knows how to say it let me know… It’s sort of important to me.

I had a dream last night… I don’t remember too many of my dreams but this one was strange… I was making a long journey through what seemed to be nothing but a series of back yards. I watched myself from far up, climbing over fences and other people’s wood piles… Tripping on children’s toys that were scattered about…I could see the last fence to climb but things started to slow down and I was dragging myself to it…It took everything I had it seemed to make it over the last fence and when I looked back my dog was sitting on the other side of the fence licking his balls. I screamed at him several times that we had no time for that, but he wouldn’t come. I wouldn’t leave him…. In the dream… In real life I would have hopped back over that fence and showed him who was boss ……..but in a dream, you haven’t that sort of control… then, the weather changed and every thing turned yellow. And when I looked back down at my dog he wasn’t there any more…. It was then that I became petrified. I felt all alone…. And something was coming that I couldn’t see. I picked up a box that I was standing next too that couldn’t have been mine… yet I turned and tried to run with it… Running away from whatever was coming…. It was really hampering my get away… THAT BOX! But I wouldn’t drop it! The wind picked up and blew my hair in my face but it took two hands to hold the box…. And then I wasn’t there any more… Me and the box were on a dirt road in the middle of the night… walking up it…or down it… who the hell can tell at this point…. When I heard something rattle inside the box… I sat it down and the flaps folded up and from that box bloomed BONNIE! She bloomed out of that box like a flower would out of the ground. There in the gloom and darkness, in the middle of a dirt road, a little girl bloomed out of a box. And then all my dogs were around us. Told you….strange dream huh?

I have NO privacy any more…. Someone wants me to do something for them almost every minuet of the day…. So I have made my rest room a REAL rest room… I stay in there maybe a half an hour at time… I’m not doing anything…Mostly just standing around… Looking at the wall paper and my make-up…. There are plenty of knocks on the door… I hear my name called at least twice during my short break… I yell out…. “Leave me alone! This takes concentration!”…. or… “NO I won’t open the door! The rest room is little for a reason!”…. “Occupied!” and HELL NO I don’t feel guilty for saying any of that stuff while I’m standing around in there…. I deserve that time alone.

I think I would like to take a ride in an air plane… I can honestly say that the highest I have ever been up was to the top of a building… I went with a friend of mine…He worked the night shift as one of the janitors. He invited me up one night… And as I stood there with my hand on the rail and looking out onto the city of Dallas he said the strangest thing…… “ I guess you really have to trust someone to come up this far alone with them.”… It seemed I choked on my own spit at that moment… I hadn’t thought of it that way! And to this day I wonder why HE had. Of course he didn’t push me over the side…. And he made no quick moves while we were up there to make me “believe” he would but I think he had thought it!… Maybe he had wondered. He and I had been best buddies.. We use to go watch the planes take off at DFW airport. How strange (again) that we would say good bye at that same airport. But that’s another story.

YEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWW the rain came!… It’s raining cat’s and dogs!… I’m loving it!

Yesterday and today were intensive house keeping day’s so I didn’t have much time to write… I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll have much more time….Peace out my friends!