Get A LOAD OF THOSE ADDS TODAY AT THE TOP OF MY BLOG! Of all the nerve....

So I havent asked Captain Morgan if I can post his story he sent me... but I'm sure he wont mind.... .......

Well now, my sweet southern belle, sit on down and let Captain Morgan bring you a smile. I've spent most all my life working on all kinds of industrial machinery all over the country. Us roadhands are a wacky bunch (I think it's prob'ly genetic).
Once we worked on a machinery installation in a meat packing plant. It was my first time inside one and I was tempted to become a card-carrying vegetarian. It was horrible! But being the creative cuss I am, I decided to lighten the mood a little. There were animal parts everywhere, some I recognized, some I didn't. I came across a steer penis and decided it was just what I'd been looking for. I walked out to the job trailer, knowing my boss would be near-by. Before I got into sight, I shoved the steer penis into my overalls. Just as he looked up, I pulled out my dandy new appendage, appearing as if I were about to urinate in the parking lot. "Put that god damn thing away!" He bellowed at me. I reached in my pocket, retrieved my buck knife and in one fluid move, severed the penis right in half! I swear to the gods...I thought for a minute he was gonna flat-out faint.

Last night after you know who had a few beers I asked him the questions that were posted on my blog... I thought some of you might find his answers interesting..................

Questions know one ever thought to ask me.....

1) Are those real?………. What?
2) What would you like to do with the rest of your life?……. Make a trillion dollars
3) How do you see your self in 20 years? ……… looking fine as hell
4) Where did you get that scar on your arm? From welding
5) Can I see a picture of you when you were a little girl? …….. No…cause I’m a guy!
6) Where were you born?……… Mississippi
7) What is your favorite perfume?……..old spice
8) Do you like the rain?……when it’s dry
9) Would you like to go out on a date?…… with who?
10) Can I kiss you?…… Who!?
11) Did you have a nickname when you were a child?…. Pot Henry
12) Who’s your favorite rock band? Led Zepplin
13) Do you cry during sad movies?……. Tears of joy
14) What makes you smile? … A trillion dollars
15) Has your heart ever been broken?.. Thousands of times
16) Would you like to sit and talk awhile? … to who!?
17) Can I read your poetry? …….A corrdin‘ whos asking...
18) Will you play and sing me a song?………. First off How do you know I can play?!
19) Why are you crying? …….. Who’s cryin”?
20) May I hold your hand? ……. Hell NO!.. What do you think I am?
21) Directions…….. I’ve been asked a thousand times!…
22) What’s your favorite candy?……. Chocolate
23) What’s your middle name? …..That’s getting’ a little personal aint it?
24) Do you love the Star’s?…… Nope
25) What’s your take on the situation?.. What situation?
26) What is your favorite food?……. It’s all good baby
27) What kind of parents did you have?…. Fine
28) Who was your first love? ……My self
29) What’s your favorite flower? Have none
30) How old were you when you first had sex?… with myself or with a woman?
31) What was your first job? ……..Cleaning bricks
32) Where did you live when you were a little girl? Never was a little girl
33) Do you speak another language?… Yeah!… Red neck!
34) What’s your favorite movie?……… do not watch movies…
35) What’s your favorite song?……….. I have no favorite song
36) If you could have a beer with any one, living or dead, who would you choose?… My dad
37) Do you remember the name of the boy that took you to the prom? I’m not a girl!
38) Who would be your perfect mate? … Cleopatra
39) Do you paint? …houses
40) Are you happy?… Hell no!

I'm pretty sure I posted this song before on my blog but it deserves a second chance.....ENJOY!

A LIGHTER SHADE OF PALE

We skipped the light fandango
turned cartwheels 'cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
but the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
as the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
the waiter brought a tray

And so it was that later
as the miller told his tale
that her face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale

She said, 'There is no reason
and the truth is plain to see.'
But I wandered through my playing cards
and would not let her be
one of sixteen vestal virgins
who were leaving for the coast
and although my eyes were open
they might have just as well've been closed

She said, 'I'm home on shore leave,'
though in truth we were at sea
so I took her by the looking glass
and forced her to agree
saying, 'You must be the mermaid
who took Neptune for a ride.'
But she smiled at me so sadly
that my anger straightway died

If music be the food of love
then laughter is its queen
and likewise if behind is in front
then dirt in truth is clean
My mouth by then like cardboard
seemed to slip straight through my head
So we crash-dived straightway quickly
and attacked the ocean bed

Sherrena ...

Now, to make you laugh ...

I once saw a bird peck my ex-husband on the head so wouldn't that officially make him a "pecker head"?

I went out with a guy once who was a member of mensa (genius club). He was interesting to talk to. He had traveled a little bit and had some studied things that were interesting to me, but after only two dates, he took me to the top of a mountain and said, "I have discussed this with the members of my club and we have decided that you are the perfect woman for me. I am a genius so I might be a little ahead of you (Did he just call me dumb?) on this one, but I am quite in love with you and to prove my love for you, I want to grant you one wish (Was he a genius or a genie?) ... I want to give you anything you wish for. You want jewelry? (snapped his fingers) Say it and it's your's! You want to go to go on a cruise? (snapped his fingers again) Say it and it's your's! You name it! Anything ... (snapped his fingers again) ... and it's your's!
I was thinking that he was the most arrogant guy I had ever met but I played along ... batted my eyelashes and said, "Gosh, anything?"
He stuck out his chest, smiled and said confidently, "Anything!"
I smiled sweetly and said in my most syrupy voice, "I wish ... (paused for effect) ... I wish ... that you would just GO AWAY."
He looked shocked.
I turned to face him, with my eyes shooting pure fire, "Quit being so ridiculous and get me the heck off this mountain! For a genius, you just said the dumbest thing I have ever heard a man say! I'm ready to go home now."
He apologized, called for a few months after that and sent me Christmas Cards for years, so he didn't even give me my one wish!
What a nut!

Guess we are on funny men stories ... so ...

My husband, Joey, and I took the Harley down to Bike Week in Myrtle Beach, SC. I didn't want to ride all the way down there so we trailered it (I know ... wimpy - wimpy - wimpy).
When we got to the hotel, Joey unhooked it from the trailer and said he wanted to ride it around the parking lot a bit before we took it out. Okay by me. I watched him fiddle with a few things and get on the bike. He was blocked from taking a full circle so he ended up going out on the street to turn around.
He got stopped at the light next to a red convertible full of beautiful tan blondes in bikinis. He looked over, smiled, saluted with two fingers in a really cool way and promptly tipped over!
Apparently, the view was so good in the car next to him that he forgot to put his feet down!
The girls in the convertible were laughing. I was laughing and so was everyone else in the parking lot that saw it!
Joey pulled up and started acting like he was checking the gas cap. Without looking around, he said, "Did anyone see that?"
I was laughing so hard, I was crying.
One of his buddies answered for me, "None of us would wanted to have missed that! We can go home now. Nothing will top that all weekend!"
Come to think of it, nothing did!

Well, Sherrena, you smiling yet?

Love you, girlfriend!
Taylor

(Your right my friend....I was rolling)

You know...there are just some things that must be done in order to make a child happy…and this might be a surprise to some but making a fool out of your self is one of them… Yesterday while I was watching Bonnie playing I saw her, all the sudden, become sad…Huge tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over for no reason at all… My first thought was she was thinking of her mother…maybe missing her…My stories to her are of her mother taking a trip to the enchanted forest to find her father the king….What was I suppose to say?.. She’s off having a good time in Margarita Ville? Living La Vida Loca! No my story of the enchanted forest is much better…I watched her cry for a moment, hating the daughter and my heart breaking for Bonnie…Then I put on my windows media player and turned the song The Girl’s Got Rhythm by AC/DC really loud and in one swoop I jumped up and landed in front of her.. My feet made a loud smack on the floor …Bonnie looked at me with big eyes… The husband and nephew looked too…my feet were spread apart and I began to sway my hips back and forth… then I did something I thought I would never do… I did the dance that I and my brothers use to laugh at my Dad for doing! I even did the hand movements… the husband started to laugh at the same time Bonnie did… then my nephew was beside me trying to follow me… he too was laughing… telling me he’d never seen such… asking what the dance was called… then Bonnie was doing it… her tears were gone. It was at that moment that I realized that I looked really foolish… but I really didn’t care… there’s a lot of things I do that I don’t care how people take… Like standing up in my living room when the Star Spangled Banner is played…and a few times while watching American Idol I clapped my hands like I was an audience member.

The husband went to a party last night… I couldn’t go because of Bonnie and a few other reasons but he came home smelling funny… I kept smelling cherry bug spray… They don’t make cherry bug spray! So I leaned into him and got a good smell… HUMMMM…. Cheep cherry smelling body spray…. Old spice….. And bug spray to cover the cherry body spray up! My first thought was what kind of cheap bitch goes with a guy wearing old spice! And then I thought of me… but at least 10 years ago he had some decent cologne on! He admitted that some woman came up to him and hugged him… I wasn’t hurt… I’m not hurt now… My heart isn’t broke or anything! Matter-of-fact I could do that same little jig again today that I did yesterday… My heart isn’t here any more… I’ve sent it somewhere where it’s safe…

Warm Sunday… I bet some of you wished Sunday was a 48 hour day…instead of the measly 24 hours it is…Monday-Saturday can be 24 and Sunday 48... Now that’s a plan huh?

I can’t get over how I can see the world happening around me… and I’m NOT IN IT! For some reason I can’t step into it. I remember when I was a part of it… I can look back and see myself happy and laughing…. Wow! A long time ago. Sure I laugh now… but it’s not the same. I’m still on the outside looking in. I’m hoping that someday a hand will be offered to me and by taking that hand I will step into the sun. Just like in the stories I tell Bonnie… The Queen reaching the King in the enchanted forest. His hand touching her cheek as there eyes meet for the first time and then……he leans in to kiss her. WHAT! It could happen! Not EVERY THING has to be a fairy tale! Besides….. I’ve been promised magic…By someone who knows about it.

Now… on to something else… once I saw a huge ball of fire streaming towards the earth as huge as a Chevron gas sign…. Then I saw it burst into nothing when it hit the atmosphere. It was when I was in west Texas near El Paso and No I wasn’t drunk or loaded. This wasn’t like the time I thought I saw my grandma’s dead husband coming out of the liquor store on Las Vegas Trail in Ft. Worth… Or the time I thought I saw Billy Gibons at the guitar shop in San Antone or the time I thought I saw Elvis… My brother said Elvis wouldn’t be having a grand slam at Denny’s dead or alive…but never the less it sure looked like him. No folks…that was not something I “thought” I saw… it was real.

Now that I have told all of you a few things I have seen… I would like to know a few things YOU have seen… I guess hallucinations are ok…but I want to know about the real strange things yall have seen….Make me laugh… I dare you.