This next little life story I’m going to tell happened awhile back… I’d say I was about 27 or 28. I had started dating an older man named Jerry. My friends said it was a big mistake because of the age difference… It wasn’t that much of a gap… but that didn’t stop them from calling him Jerry-atric.… I lived about 5 miles away and he would come and pick me up every morning and we’d spend the day together going here and there…. I’m sure all of you remember this guy from a story I wrote awhile back… He asked me to help clean up a bloody mess, remember him now? Well this is the story of why he and I parted ways. Now I lived about 5 miles away from him with my little brother. I woke up at the same time I always did and got dressed and sat on the couch waiting for him to come pick me up. My brother had already left for work and after checking in came back home to smash himself a glass of Orange juice… (Don’t ask… it’s a longer story than this one) we sat on the couch watching TV and the clock seemed to just keep ticking by….No Jerry. So my little brother offered to drive me over to his house…. ……Jerry lived in a nice neighborhood I guess. His truck was parked in the driveway when we pulled up. My brother decided to wait in the truck while I went to the door… after several knocks and still no answer, I went to his truck that was unlocked and pushed the garage door opener… The door opened and I pointed my finger at my brother to wait a minuet and went in. Now maybe I shouldn’t have done that…Maybe I shouldn’t have done a lot of things that day but the facts still remain… The living room was dark and I could make out his work boots on the floor in front of the couch… then as my eyes adjusted I could make out other things scattered about that quite didn’t soak in until I saw the high heel boots laying in the hall way. Some thing like… blood rage went through me… I don’t know if you’ve ever felt it before but it’s a horrible feeling… Your not sure if you can breath or not and you don’t feel your finger nails sinking into your palms…By the time I reached his bed room door his hand and my hand were both on the knob… I felt it turning as I tried to turn it too…As the door came open the look on his face was that of shock. He tried to stand in my way so that I couldn’t see around him but he wasn’t that tall. My eyes went to the head of the bed and I really didn’t see anything….. Then I saw her head poke up from under the covers at the foot. My eyes came back to him and I must have had a look on my face that scared him because he choked on his words… “Now Sherrena….” Then my hand came up and slapped him right across the face and as I turned around to walk out I smashed everything on the way back to the garage door… Even his coffee table… I got out in the drive way and still couldn’t really breathe right… I was gulping big breaths of air as my brother came up and put his arm around me and asked what was wrong… I screamed in his face… “He has a woman in there!” My brother tried to lead me to the truck but the hurt left my heart and something else bubbled over… I flung his arm off my shoulder and went back in… I stomped on all the things I had broke on the way out the first time and when I reached the door I saw that he was sitting with her on the side of the bed with one pant leg on… He got up and as he stumbled with his pants, I shoved him down and went across the bed and slammed into her…the momentum flung us both into the wall beside the bed and I scraped her face down the bumpy wall all the way to the floor… We were both up side down… her naked.. Me on top with the advantage and my fist beating her in the head. I felt him trying to pull me off her in a nice way then I felt him yanking on my legs… I would not turn loose of her… he yanked us both up by pulling my legs and got us apart.. He pushed me out of his room and tried to slam the door behind him but she was coming out of it, trying to get to me…Her hands came out and slapped my face and I grabbed his face and raked my finger nails down it… I pushed him into her and they hit the wall knocking the air out of her… By that time my brother was in the hall way… Jerry was yelling to him to take me out…. I have no idea what made me do such a thing.. I didn’t love him or anything… We had made an agreement that we would just be with each other and he had fooled around on me!… He, who was older and not as nice looking as some of the other guys I had dated. Ok…. I thought I was way out of his league and I had been doing him a favor with even being with him…. So you can imagine the blow to my ego… and how hard it was to swallow after being put in my place… I looked at him again wanting to slap his face but instead I turned and knocked his Television off in the floor and walked away with my brother. On the way home my brother said … “ Did you see the tits on that girl?”…I turned my head to look at him and then he said “ Sorry”…. It seemed that had been the end of me and Jerry. Jerry called me to say how sorry he was and could I pay for some of the things I broke… I told him to screw his self… Better yet I screamed to him…. “Screw HER some more!”

Let’s see… I was asked about the best weekend I ever had… After thinking on that for nearly 24 hours and once in the middle of the night, I have come to realize that I must not have ever had a great weekend. Sure I have said I had… but not really, I guess… I think I just said that for the same reason some one might say they feel fine to keep from telling all the real woes they have… I can recall good times… and maybe this one time I was on the verge of having a great weekend but I got drunk and got a tattoo so that scratched that good time all to hell. No I guess I have to say I’m still waiting on that great weekend. My luck it’ll come on my 100^th birthday and I’ll keel over and not even get to brag on it….. Hey!… There was this one time…… Naw, something messed that up too…..

I swear I keep hearing the trash truck backing up!… Tomorrow is trash day so this just cant be… maybe it’s the house making sounds… some times I hear walking in the attic. I swear it!… The husband said it’s the house settling because it’s almost over a 100 years old. We have it up for sale and when I pulled up the pictures of it on the real estate site he, the real estate man, had posted a picture of my dresser, TV and dusty box fan for the picture of my room!… And the dinning room picture is the box sitting next to the sliding glass window that I packed last week!…what the *^%# !… He did get a few right but those are just out of the question.

Well I need to go get in the shower… today is shopping day for my sweet Bonnie… It’s not as bad as I thought getting her and myself ready for the day…

Thanks friends for hanging with me even though the life and times of Sherrena hasn’t been to exciting lately. I blame this on the cost of oil. Not really, that last part was my dry since of humor.

I’ve never had a “little group” of friends… Even in school I made sure to make the rounds to everybody else’s group but never joined one myself… I feel like this blog stream is a “little group”… And this time I AM a part of it…Well, this time I CHOOSE to be a part of it. I have grown quite fond of all of you… and it is truly a treasure to my heart… but I see that being a part of something bigger than ones self has its draw backs… Like when one of us becomes sick and starts to fade away… Or when one of us is sad, all the others seem to be a little sad too… Once I wrote “ I wonder if the person that said it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all had really actually loved … or just made that little saying up”. I wondered if he had fell down on his knees and with tears streaming down his face, holding his hands up to God, uttered those words….Now I believe, he knew what he was talking about. IT “IS” better to love and lose! And now I see that really the love never leaves your heart even after the loss! It’s still there… bringing all your memories to life…. Living somewhere inside you. Swirling around…Yes, Life fades away and dies… but love lives on forever.

The husband went to a party last night and decided to stay the night…. WHO DOES THAT SHIT I ASK YOU? His excuse was that he had drunk more beer than he thought he was going to… (He won’t drink and drive)…. So he decided to spend the night…. Funny though… His phone must have been drunk too because I couldn’t reach him on it…. His excuse for that was… I was playing music and I couldn’t hear it ringing…. I never go to these things with him because he uses me for a driver and gets so loaded it embarrasses me. AND he’s an ass hole! All ways acting like he’s the boss of everyone and there’s a NEW sheriff in town… I get sick of that…really sick of it…. To me it makes him look like a small man… not the big man he’s trying to make his self out to be… My mother use to have a saying… “Stop showing your ass”…. I never really knew what that meant, with know ones britches down an all but now, after being married to the husband I know exactly what it means.

My grand daughter just woke up… Tomorrow we are going shopping… She has her own room but it’s far away from mine…so I took the padded seating out of my new pool furniture and made her a bed beside mine.. She kicks the shit out of me if I let her sleep with us… She sleeps all night long like a rock… BUT I have to get up constantly and put her BACK on her little bed because she SOME HOW rolls off it about 3 FEET!… I’m not kidding…. Their she’ll be on the floor way over by the TV or half under the bed…still sleeping like a rock… I pick her up and take her back over to the little bed and cover her up…. I bet 4 times a night. So for me to get a good nights rest she must have a little bed with a gate on it… Her mom lets her sleep on a twin bed… yes she falls off it… her mom piles pillows on the floor to catch her. I believe a new bed is the answer here. One made for her age… And new clothes!… And toys!…. She and I drove down to the river the other day and I let her throw her last bottle in. She drinks out of a sippy cup now… And now we can get the little toilet and new underpants… her mom doesn’t know how to potty train her. She told me that her neighbor’s boy was almost 4 and still wearing diapers so what was the problem…. I said first off Your neighbor and his family aint NOTHING TO ME girly… and cleaning up crap after a kid that’s old enough to walk is just nasty beyond belief! I will not do it!…. Not for long anyway. The toilet is coming tomorrow along with all her other new stuff and this time it stays here! I told the daughter this and she said … “ Yeah ok… my baby is going to be there with you a while anyway”…. A few months ago she started hanging up on me when she didn’t like what I had to say…. So I began doing it to her to show her how that feels… After she said that last sentence…. CLICK!…. I’m so mad at her!… I looked up on the computer all the things my grand daughter should be doing and saying… She is so behind!… She should say 200-300 words!… I count 5 English words!… 5!… I feel that the daughter has held back my lovely grand daughter by speaking only Spanish to her!… So NO Spanish here!… NONE!… So you can imagine how I felt yesterday As I handed my sweet Bonnie the phone so she could talk to her mom and all I could hear was Spanish… My grand daughter stood there just listening not saying a word… I took the phone back from her and told the daughter that she should speak ENGLISH to her because that’s what people in Mississippi speak!… And I will not make life hard for my grand daughter by making her so much different from everyone else around here. Any other language Should be second to English. English is first!… CLICK!…. Told you… I think maybe my little baby girl was switched at the hospital and this horrible spawn is not mine!… And I would believe it down to my soul if she didn’t look like my mother just a little. Once while I was really mad I wished my life on her… and now I wish I could take that back because it seems that she is following it to the letter. She cant see that time has slowed for her because of drugs….. and time waits for know one. I picture her on a park bench some where… a little shopping cart pulled up to her full of things from the garbage can… dusty old photographs of sweet Bonnie grown up standing next to me before I died in her hand…. and her crying over them…. Small salty drops falling on our faces as she stares at the life that could have been hers…. Her ragged old hand trembling as she puts us back in her pocket….. Lucky for her love lives on forever