Again my husband’s efforts to take off one of my animals have been successfully ruined… Last year he got a new truck… It seemed my cats loved to lie on the hood…. Now these cats I brought from Texas with me…. I loaded them in the cages with my dogs and for 9 hours they traveled comfortably in the back of the old truck… They were all females… grand mother, mother and kitten and they all looked the same…..I had males of the same color in the past and I called them all Chester…not Chester one or Chester two but all just Chester… One at a time they came and went…only the males… they seemed to grow up and want something other than just petting and food…. The females stuck around though… so when I left Texas I brought them with me…. They lived here combing the woods for rats and squirrels…. Until the day the new truck came… It was here a week, before You know who, was screaming about the prints on the hood and making up stories about how he saw a scratch from the cats….And then it came the time that I woke up one morning and they were gone…I use to think that a cat thought it’s owner was a giant can opener…If so…. Then one of my cats traveled a little over a year to get back to this can opener! I shit you not and if I’m lyin in’ I’m dien’!… Yesterday, by the barn, my dogs had something treed… We went over to look and I noticed who it was right off…. When she heard me talk to her she came down out of the tree and my little dogs chased her into the big barn… I wanted to beat them but Lucky for them I don’t do such things…She didn’t come out when I called… oh well maybe a trusty can of chicken might do the trick…..

Tomorrow the wicked witch of the west is coming for Launa… OK… I FEEL LIKE she is! She is a dancer that Launa! I sat at my piano this morning and played free bird for her and she danced and danced…I wanted to teach her to play music but her mother would rather stay in Ft. Worth and make her life with Mexican men… She moves to the run down parts of little Mexico where she feels important and special…. Those last words were her own…Her skin is from my mother’s side of the family so they mistake Native American features for Spanish features…So she blends in rather well… She just turned 19 years old…. And I think that a mistake was made up stairs when they let her have a baby! A huge mistake!

I think I’m getting angry about it all so the impending hurt wont HURT so bad… You know, saying goodbye and knowing that she’s going back to….. Well…. NOT HERE! I guess that‘s what hurt‘s….. I don’t see why Meg has to have those men! Why can’t she come home and bring her baby to live here! I asked her…. Her answer was… (And I could HEAR her expressions on the phone)… “I want to come home… but I don’t know….. I just don’t know” …. Now I’d like to know…. Is that a “real” answer? Like getting a reply like … “I wish I could but I don’t want too”… it’s not “really” an answer at all but a stupid smoke screen…. What does she take me for?…… Tomorrow when she gets here to take the love of my life away I will be all smiles…. I will hug her and act like I haven’t a care in the world…. Why? Because that is the way “I” am… and I will not cry when they leave until they are out of sight…. Why? Well that would be for Launa… I want her to remember me smiling at her…

I guess with every up there must be a down… The higher up…. The farther the down…. I’m sure that the reason for this is far more complicated than what I can understand…. So as I sit here typing and eating my cheese nips… (Which by the way when I type that word I start giggling….Why? Who knows…? It just seems the word cheese nip is funny to me…) I don’t dare try to contemplate it… I just roll with the flow…

Hello Frank… nice to have you over to the life and times of me…. Stay as long as you like……

You know…. I realized over the weekend that fear is all in a persons head…. I have never liked to be alone at night! Even in my own home. I have tried to get around this by not getting much sleep, so that I could hear glass breaking or a scary midnight knock on my front door…. Now to some this might sound just ridicules and it does to me now, since I’m writing this with the sun high up in the sky… but too some?…… being alone when the sun goes down is frightening to say the least….. I can tell you the exact moment I started being afraid of the dark… I was 8 years old and I was walking down the hall to the bathroom in the middle of the night… My brother’s bedroom door was directly across the hall from the bathroom…I heard a sound and I looked in…. I could see curtains moving through the dim light and then feet! And then legs coming through the window!… of course it was my brother sneaking back in from a night of having a good time but I only saw someone jumping threw the window feet first….. I ran back to my own room screaming the whole way …. By the time my dad got up and was walking down the hall way, my brother had already jumped under the covers fully clothed and was hiding as my dad walked by… It was that moment that the darkness ,from then on out held impending doom for me…. I saw that it was a place for things to hide! To creep in the dark…. As I got older and watched movies and TV programs that were full of horrific dark images... my fear of the dark grew even bigger… So being ALONE at night was something I never let happen…. Not until I came here anyway…. Where I live is spooky in itself… and then my husband started making trips out of town and our animals couldn’t be left alone…. My love for them over ran my fear of the dark…. The fear was still there though… I armed myself and I turned my huge dog loose out side…. I turned my little dogs loose so that they could patrol the rest of the inside of the house and then I sat here scared as a bird in a cage with a cat staring at me… all the lights on and the music up like one big party going on…and then last night…. After years of letting fear get the better of me I got a little angry… I walked to the window and I pulled open the blinds… something I would have never done before because someone’s face could have been on the other side looking back at me… and I looked out side…then I walked over to the door and I took the chain off… my hand didn’t turn the lock as fast as it had taken the chain off but it seemed the angrier I got the less fear I had…my little dogs had gathered at the foot of the door waiting for me to open it with excitement… I never let them out after dark when I’m alone…. The door came open and I opened the screen… they ran out and I stepped out onto the porch…. Into the darkness… as long as I stayed angry I was able to walk around and be comfortable…. My anger was built from years of the dark scaring me…. Not the dark really but what’s IN the dark…. What I couldn’t see lurking just beyond the lights edge…. I looked down at my big dog who likes to growl and I thought…. Damn…. Even a monster might think twice about going up against him…. And then it dawned on me, that what’s out there, in the dark should be afraid of ME!… Not only did I have a huge dog ( and little mean ones too) but I was armed!… and I don’t think fear would stop me from protecting myself… I thought of women all over the world living alone with less!… and they, most of them, woke up every morning unharmed…. Yes!… I have decided that what’s in the dark from here on out should stay there!… or else!

Now on a lighter note….. My grand daughter is coming!… She’s 1.8 years old and she is beautiful!… I want to try and post a picture of her on here later…. She will be spending a week with me…. Really?…. I think she might have to spend the rest of growing up with me…. My daughter (shaking head shamefully)… is not mother material… I’m not either really but at least I try…. She doesn’t try at all…. My daughter Meg ,seems ,has found my husband while he was in Texas… She called him and asked him to come for my grand daughter…. And he did. Now I asked my daughter when I found out she did this ( by my husband who is already on his way home with her) when did she plan on coming home….. She told me strait off that she would be here next Friday. Now I know this is a lie… How do I know?….well I hear her lips moving!….. And she LOVES to lie!…

Oh my!… My lighter note turned into a heavy C….

My little chickens are growing about an inch a day it seems… (not really)… their jumping all over the cage when I go out there to water and feed them… I have no idea why I even have chickens… I don’t eat eggs that much… I guess it’s because I have had those roosters for so long and I wanted them to have wives… The roosters were given to me by Mr. Compos back in Texas…. Well really he gave me one and 4 hens for my yard because I had grass hoppers eating my plants… they walked around out there eating those huge graveyard grass hoppers and saved my crop… ( I don’t like putting poison on my vegetables)… then they started having babies…. Wow!…. Lots and lots of babies…. Then we moved here and I caught the ones I could and brought them with me… the others I had to leave … they were all wild free roaming chickens and they really didn’t need any looking after… A fighting rooster is a beautiful bird… The colors on them look like the sun set in Texas… dark reds and blues and oranges… grown ,their not as big as you might think but bigger roosters walk away, when they walk up…Like Donnie… He’s a Dominique and he’s huge!… but he will run from the fighting rooster…I could only catch 4 hens and 4 roosters so El Gueyo ( the fighting rooster) has 4 hens to his self…. And the other’s have none… and to a bird ,that’s whole life is getting laid, that has to be messed up!…. So the little chickens I been raising are important… they are future mates… I have varmints to put up with too!… something has been stealing eggs!… and something last month ate the head off one of my roosters and left the body laying!….I found a hole in the wire and fixed it but it’s tried to break it loose again!…. I don’t like killing animals…. And I cant put a shock wire on my chicken cage….and I cant set a trap out for it because once I caught it, it would be in there and how would I get it out!… Once I got this idea to humanly catch rats from my barn….I got a huge plastic trash can… the kind you put out to the road?…. And I put a jar of peanut butter in the bottom…. When I came back the next day the can was filled up with rats!… they were jumping on top of each other trying to get out!… and they were almost making it!…. I leaned over and saw them in there and I just ran!…. I told my husband they were there and the next time I saw my trash can it had a few shot gun blasts in it….. So that turned out to be NOT such a good idea…