This next tail of the life and times of Sherrena is about one Christmas with my family…. About how 9 of us chose to shove our self into one tiny car like clowns at a circus to go to my grand mothers house when we could have all rode comfortably split up in separate cars…. I had just turned 18 a few months before.... There’s 3 years apart in all the ages of me and my brothers…We had all met at my Dad’s house that Christmas morning and were told at dinner that we would all be going over to visit my grand mother afterwards…. This in itself was a new thing!.. We had never done that before but I guess my Dad had got a bug up his you know what and decided that we would all do this for my grand mother who later turned out to not even give a shit…. So there we all were… My brothers, 4 of them and 3 of there wives, me and my oldest brothers daughter stood there out side waiting on my Dad to come out side so we could leave.. This could take any where from 15 minuets to 45 depending on how much my Dad had eaten… He was in the restroom…We were all kind of dreading the coming day… My grand mother had not been a nice woman… Remember I told you about her….Her long gray red hair and her tall thin body reminded me of a scare crow….She looked at us all like insects…. And like a cock roach I felt like her foot could squash me at any moment. My dad had passed out her gifts to us before dinner and through most of it I sat there wondering who in the hell Box Car Willie was….That had been my gift… a signed autograph picture and a 45 record of Box Car Willie… We saw immediately who my grand mother liked out of all of us when my little brother opened his present…. Not that it was much but he had got a flannel shirt…NEW, no less!.. Not a 45 from her record collection at the nursing home like the rest of us had got… So it was only fitting that the day ended like it did….my little brother wearing grand ma Kelley’s gift pulled out a joint from the pocket of his blue jeans… This was back in the 80’s and it seemed all of us got high…We all scrambled to ride in the car my little brother was riding in so that we too could be high and experience the wicked witch of the West in 3D color!… My dad and Step Mom came out and we quickly told them to go on and we would be behind them… My Dad gave us the “listen here you little mother fuckers” speech about running off and made us promise to follow and we all did…. Instead of smoking then and being late and risking the wrath of my Dad we all piled in my little brothers car… I was shoved in the middle up next to my little brother as he started the car and backed out… My older brother yelled from the back to light the joint so we could get the smell off us before we got to the nursing home…Some how it was lit and passed around…I think I know what a smoked sardine feels like… OK…A loaded smoked sardine…. Anyway as we passed this huge joint the size of a cigar around, the fire some how fell off… don’t ask me how or why…. These things ,I believe, are just unexplained phenomenon’s when you are smoking weed…. And that glowing cherry?…. Well guess where we found it after we all scrambled to get away from it?….. that’s right…. Smoking right under my little brother’s nose! There on his new flannel shirt… burning a hole the size of a soft ball while he sat there high…Then he smelled his shirt and looked down…. At first he tried to wipe it away… but he only succeeded in busting the cherry into smaller flaming balls that quickly burnt new holes…. He hit his breaks and screeched to a halt on the side of the road…Jumping out he quickly put his self out…. The nursing home was a half a block up and we could see my Dad standing at the back of his car looking at us… My brother jumped back in the car and drove the half a block and parked next to my Dad…..My brothers words during that half of block consisted of Oh My God!…Oh My God!…. Oh My God!…. Then we were getting out… I need to explain that the weather in Texas at Christmas time is not like up North!… I believe that day to have been around 70 degrease… My Dad smelled us before we got to him and I swear I could see flames burning in his eyes and smoke coming from under his hat!….I was shaking a bit as he turned his back on us and we followed him into the nursing home reeking of Pot smoke… We got to my grand mothers room and all of us filed in… My little brother lagging behind us all… my grand mother searching all of our faces in disgust looking for his…then she found him and called him forward…. He came and the look on her face was… Well…Shock… There he stood… One huge hole burned just under the neck and 3 smaller ones with black smears under them on the tail…. My Dad too got a look for the first time…He hadn’t paid much attention to my little brother after he had got a wiff of us when we walked up…I saw his arm and hand shoot out and grab my little brother by the ear…. “Why you lill Some Bitch!…I augh da……..”… But by that time he had dragged my brother out and the words just sort of trailed off… believe me my brother never forgot why……as we turned back around to visit with Grand Ma she narrowed her eyes at us…. Then told us all to get the hell out…. And we were happy too….My Dad made us all stand by the car while he went back in and said goodbye…. Then he came out and gave us another “listen here you little Mother fucker’s” speech…. We had laughed at my little brother as he sat in his car sort of crying waiting on my Dad …My Dad had damn near pinched his ear off as he dragged him out side…Later my brother said all he did was slap him in the back of the head a few times and thump him once on the fore head….I guess that was for “not” thinking……Yeah back then you could thump, slap AND wip your kid for smoking pot and burning up Christmas gifts….And that’s how it should have been!… Now kids do LOTS worse and get just a time out!

Today I want to tell you about a friend I met here on my PC in the chat room one night while I was bored. His name is Bernie and he lives in Scotland…. I really don’t know were to start about him… I guess I can start out by saying his first Instant Message to me was a question about his hand. He wanted to know if by some freak accident, if his hand was blown off, would I still screw him….. Now I thought this very odd my self… So I was compelled to answer him… Usually I ignore such idiocy but I didn’t quite understand what he was asking…. He then went on to ask me if I would feel pity for him…. I still didn’t understand and it took about a month of talking to him here and there before I finally understood exactly what he was asking me!…. Turns out Bernie is a 30 year old VIRGIN! “AND” I will try to repeat his question as best as I can remember it….. “Let’s say you hated me….. And we were at work and you humiliated me and told me to get away from you in front of all your friends….and as I walked away hearing your laughter at my back…something bad happened and my hand was caught in something and it was ripped off!.. Would you run to me?!… Would you press your body against mine and screw your mouth up and tell me to forget what you had just done to me?! Would you have pity for me and fuck me anyway?!”…… I answered this with a Hell NO!.. Pity is not my style..... Now I too at that moment realized that Bernie was crazy. It made him all the more interesting to me…. I then went on to explain the odds of such a thing happening were astronomical. If you have never spoke to a lunatic, all I can say about it is do so at your own risk… Today turns out to be the last straw with me corresponding with him… TODAY he said something that went beyond our friend ship…I had almost said good bye to him last month when he told me the bar maid across the street from where he lived had wanted to fuck him and then sent the police to his house to tell him to stop watching her!.. I too was confused at first…. Turns out after me asking him a lot of questions on the matter, HE HIMSELF felt like she was watching HIM!…. The reason for this was because he had spurned her sexual advances! I wasn’t there and I know this probably to be wrong….. He had told me that he had went to the pub to get a beer and as he was sitting there he noticed her whispering behind her hand to the other patrons as she looked at him… He then told me it was because she wanted sex from him!…. I was shocked and laughing as I read his instant message! My reply was that he had NO IDEA what she had really said…. His reply was that he was toted from the bar after he cussed her and threw his beer in her face…. Mind you he lives directly across the street from the PUB!… So Now he watches her and see’s her laughing at him with her friends as she goes to work each day…. She saw him a few times, watching her, and sent the police over to his house and that’s when his hatred of her really began…. I told him to forget about her 50 times I’m sure…. But he won’t…. The police told him to stop looking at her…. This too made me laugh…. I guess they haven’t heard of stalking in Scotland yet….Now back to this morning…. I saw Bernie on ,so I said hello… His reply is always “hiya”…. Then he starts off with the hand thing and I tell him to knock it off…. But not this time… This time he started off with… “If you were my sister would you let me get you off?”…. I said Bernie that’s just gross…. Are you planning to ask your sister to let you do such a thing? (Turns out she’s 40)… His reply… “YES”…. I told him not to do it….. He asked why…. I told him she would slap his face and be afraid of him the rest of her life…. His reply was NO…. I then told him it was his life and only he had to live it…. But why push his sickness off on his sister and break his poor mother’s heart….He heard nothing but the word “sickness”! He could not fathom that he was a lunatic!.. He had not the slightest inkling that he was one brick shy of a full load… So I said goodbye as he was ranting about his Zero theory. Which believe me you don’t want to hear about… And to think this guy delivers pizza to the unsuspecting Scottish population! Poor, poor Bernie………………………………...........................Poor Scotland!