Well...I finally told my soldier friend that I was married.. And that I'm a sneak and evidently I can't be trusted...He took it better than I thought he would. He decided to stay friend's with me. Not the kind that has sex..He said he couldn't do that with a married woman ..see.....He is a nice guy...told you he was.
Dang!...I woke up in a bad mood!..I really feel like I could cuss some one out right about now. To bad my husband isnt awake right at this moment..He WOULD deserve it!...He's been drunk 3 night's in a row...We went out last night to eat and he flirted with our waitress in front of me. There he was..Leaning forward in his chair..trying to look cool while drunk..telling her to keep the beer comming. Sluring his word's..Winking at her...leaving her a 10.00 tip! I picked it up and tore it in half and left both pieces on the table. I don't know why I did it!..I was just pissed!..Strange thing though...My anger wasn't because of her...I wasn't mad at her at all..My anger was for HIM!..I told him when we got home last night that I hated him...He said..."that's nice...I get nothing from you...so you get nothing from me"... What the hell does that mean?!..He said this to me while sqinting and looking at me with one eye...I swear I know why domestic Violence is on the rise!..If I had been a man last night I think I would have beat him like....A RED HEADED STEP CHILD!...SLAPPED THE TASTE RIGHT OUT OF HIS MOUTH!...And then told him DONT'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA WHERE THE GOOD LORD SPLIT YA!..
Well....Now that I got that off my chest I feel a little better...Maybe I wont pick a fight with him this time when he get's up. It seem's I can not leave well enough alone...I't gaul's me to let him treat me like that and NOT REMEBER IT!..I bring it all back up so he can relive it sober like I had too...And then he trys to take up for his self which makes me even sicker to hear it...I think this time I will leave it where it lay's...In the back of my mind...to smolder until the next time...then i'll give him a double wammy. TWO for the price of one!

Yesterday my daughter and I had a conversation. Not a nice one I'd say. I let her use my cell phone and I tryed to call her while she was gone and she hung up on me about 20 times...She must not know me...because anyone who did would have known How mad I was getting..I did'n see her till yesterday afternoon and I was still mad at her...I have seen her justhang up on other people before. That's her thing on the phone. She will look to see who it is and just double click the hang up button because she can't be bothered with them...And that's what she had done to me.. Or she will be talking to someone and just get tiered of it and hang up on them...she play's it off like she lost service... I am wise to that shit!..So when I saw her I was pretty steamed. I said ............AAAAAAWWWWWWW look who is here?...The queen herself...(she just looked at me with her nose turned up)..Give me MY PHONE!....(she handed it to me and I snatched it from her)..You have nerve hanging up on me like that when I just wanted you to bring home milk for YOUR baby!..(she rolled her eye's)..Your selfish!...You only think of yourself and you love your child like an animal!..(she looked at me and almost spoke a few word's but I turned away from her and walked off) before I raised my hand to her. Now my husband he is alway's on her side unless he is in a bad mood Know matter what she does. And THAT turn's me against my husband. I look at him sometimes and I feel true hatred!..I'm talking the kind that make's you see red!...and then I feel discusted with him...this in turn make's me sick to look at him!

why is it that some people judge other's by their own standard's?..What they MIGHT have said or done in any given situation. I too have been the Judge and unfortunatley I have been the JUDGED...Unfortunate on both account's really. I had no idea My life had been so hard on me until a nice person commented about my suffering. I thought everyone had it as hard...LOL...I swear I thought that life played it's cruel joke on everyone..And then I thought of something that made me feel better about myself...I think I could make it through anything!...Especially The curve ball's...
My little Dog Junior didn't return with the other two dog's this afternoon.. this is not like him...I think I'm going to have to go look for him. I think of my dog's as my children so if one doesn't come back like their sapose too I get really upset. Once my cat Chester ran away...he had never been out side before in all of his 2 year's...his feet had never touched the ground...He was gone for 2 week's and I found him a few miles away at the city park one day on my way home from work..I pulled over really fast and yelled his name and he came running to my car...I guess the city life was more that what he was guessing on...his feet were blisterd like he'd walked for miles and miles...He used to sit and watch my pigeon's like they were cat TV...I raised them from "tiny fall out of the nest size". They had been gross...looking like a little mouse with wing's...I made a hot gruel out of the chick feed and shoved it down their throat's by squeezing it from my hand..I would curl my finger's and they would poke thier beak's in my fist...They grew up and I have to say they were beautiful...And then came the time for me to teach them to fly...I took them out side and through them up in the air and they came right back to me with there claw's open...strait for my face..I looked down quick and they landed on my head..digging their little claw's in my head ..I kept on throwing them in the air and running from them..Soon they got tierd of chasing me and flew to the tree's...it was then thatI felt the sadest...I knew that it wouldn't be long till they just flew away and never came back...and that did happen...but not before one of them flew down the street and attacked..(she said)..my neighbor..really I think they were just trying to get on her head...but she wouldn't have known that I guess...I see now that maybe I shouldn't have messed with mother nature...Maybe I should have just left those bird's where they lay...Maybe I shouldn't have judged those bird's by my own standard's.....

Today is cold....Just down right bone chilling cold. I see a warm front is comming for the weekend and maybe it might get up to 64 durring the day... some kind of Christmas weather huh...Last night it was below freezing and I snuck my husband smelly old dog in the house. The little one's sleep in my office on their own bed...Under a blanket that they all share..The big one's sleep out side just on the other side of my office door...I couldn't sleep knowing they were out there. They have scared off more people than I can count and that to me is doing me right. So in return I had to do them right..they don't use the bathroom in my house so it was just the awful smell of them I had to get rid of. The "washed last year,out side" dog smell.. I mopped and hung a few vanilla roma's I got out of my car over where he had layed and the smell went away... My husband would have got really mad over that. He tell's me all the time that he has higher standard's than to live with dog's... Lucky for him my standard's arn't as high or I would have left him a long time ago....

I took a test this morning...About religion. It was the belief-o-matic powered by selectsmart.com.( http://www.selectsmart.com )..I was shocked at the result's!...I dare you to take it..LOL...I had alway's considered myself to be a Baptist. I don't know why...It's just the church I attended because all my friend's from school were going. Turn's out I am 100% Neo-Pagan! ..To someone that loves God, at first I was shocked. But as I read on I saw myself. It was all there!...Everything I believe to be true!..I think I will read up on this more...It's very intresting..
This is the third day in a row that I havn't got dressed before noon...I have been tempted 3 times also to make "new soldier friends" on line. I am using restaint...wish me luck.......